To the Mom Feeling Burned Out: Part 1
Lately, I've been running into so many moms — friends, clients, acquaintances — who have shared how tired, burned out, and discouraged they are feeling right now. We are in a parenting pandemic in the midst of this global pandemic.
Some of them have described it as running on fumes.
Others have described it as walking around with a pit in their stomach or a heaviness in their chest.
Several women I've encountered mention feeling weary and not wanting to get out of bed in the morning. They don't have the energy they need to take on the day and be the parent they know they want to be.
It’s like everytime they send their child out into the world, you’re making decisions that feel life or death. Everyone is heightened so it feels like every decision is heavy and overwhelming. Everyone has opinions that are “fact” and if it differs from what you believe, you then can carry mom shame and guilt. Nevermind that you’re trying to juggle the ever-towering lists of “mom things” … it’s all JUST. TOO. MUCH.
Regardless of how the impact of the last two years is manifesting for you, one thing is true: As moms, we've been stretched these last couple of years in ways we never imagined, and we're feeling it. The need to fly the white flag is real!
But I want you to know, it doesn't have to be this way.
How is that, you ask?
I know it sounds easier said than done, but it's true.
Over the next three weeks, I’m going to be sharing a three-part series to help you move from burned out to thriving.
Check it out! Literally...Check. It. Out.
It's time to do a little inventory check on your life in areas I’ll be sharing over the next three weeks.
Today, we are starting with the big one: Your emotions.
CHECK YOUR EMOTIONS
Having emotional intelligence is essential. If we don't have a grip on our own emotions, we can't help our kids navigate theirs. It's our job as parents to teach our kids what it looks like to have a strong EQ. Basically, we need to put words around our emotions so they can do the same. We can't take them somewhere that we haven't been ourselves. It's our job to help them put language around how they feel.
Do you have trouble identifying your emotions? One of my favorite go-to books for understanding our emotions is Voice of the Heart by Chip Dodd. As Chip identifies, our emotions were given to us by God for a reason. When we lean into them, feel them, acknowledge them, they can serve us. When we stuff them and feel shame about them, we get stuck. Trust me...stuffing them only makes things worse. It's like trying to push a beach ball under the water over and over. Eventually, it's going to pop back up (and we'll be exhausted in the process).
So let's just dig into emotions for a moment -
Do you feel fear?
Will my child be okay?
Will they overcome mistakes?
Will they figure it out?
Will they be able to withstand the discomfort and pain they might be feeling?
Do you feel sadness?
About the changes your kids have experienced?
About the connections they have with other kids?
About the fact you can't keep them from experiencing hard things?
Are they choosing different paths than you would choose for them?
About dreams you have given up?
Do you feel hurt?
When they are left out?
When you feel judged?
When others misunderstand them?
When you fear that others think you're a bad mom?
Do you feel lonely?
Like no one else gets it?
Like you're the only one whose child is acting out?
Like you are the only one struggling in your marriage, with your kids, or with your own happiness?
Part of the reason we feel burned out is because our emotions feel overwhelming. They feel like a tsunami that is pummeling us on the shore as we try to stand tall in the storm we've been walking through.
Here's the truth about emotions, though: They only last (on average) 90 seconds. Truly. Once you feel and name your emotion, set a timer.
Sit in the emotion.
Feel the emotion.
Time the emotion.
Instead of a tsunami, it's really more like a wave when we stare the emotion down. A wave that washes over us, shakes us up a bit and then rolls back out to sea.
Instead of fighting the wave back, let it be, and remind yourself that you can handle it.
You're stronger than you think.
Our goal isn't to feel differently. It's to think about how we feel so we have power over it.
If you’re someone who has struggled with how to navigate emotions, maybe you’ve reflected that to your child? Or maybe, like you, your child is at a high burnout level from the past two years and you need tools and strategies to help your child work through their anxiety. Whatever the case may be, for the first time ever, I’ve decided to do a group coaching solely dedicated to moms of anxious kids. This 8-week group coaching will give you tangible tools you can put into place immediately to help you help your child navigate the fear and anxiety they are feeling.
Parenting is hard. You don't have to do it alone. I'm here to walk with you along the way. We all need a guide. Together, we can create change in your family system, yielding stronger bonds. You CAN feel like you know what to do to help your child thrive!
Learn more about my 8-week Real Tools for Parenting Anxious Kids Group Coaching.
I’ll see you next week with Part 2 of this 3-Part series dedicated to the burnt-out mom!
You’re amazing. Start LIVING like it!
Kim
Kim Anderson is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC-MHSP) and a Certified Life Professional Coach (CPLC) who loves helping others live their lives with passion and purpose. She lives with her husband and two teenagers outside of Nashville, in Franklin, Tennessee, where she loves seasons, rolling hills, and the warmth of the South. Follow Kim at www.kimanderson.life, on Instagram @kim_anderson_life, and on Facebook@ KimAndersonLifeCoachingto learn more about what she offers.