How to Create Radical Self-Care
I don’t know about you, ladies, but I can find myself getting overwhelmed when I need to pull together an outfit for an event. We can put so much energy into our outside appearance as we lament about what to wear, or how we look. All the while, we end up putting ourselves down in the process. We feel worse about ourselves, which makes the whole “finding something to wear” experience that much worse. Ugh.
What if...instead, we put effort toward the inside. What if we paid attention to the emotions that are running the show, instead of stuffing them or ignoring them. What if we noticed the feelings that show up in our nervous system, or the negative thoughts, or lies that we tell ourselves every time we are stare in the mirror?
Friends, we can all engage in radical self-care by, first, paying attention to these three inner parts of ourselves instead of focusing solely on our outer selves:
1. Our emotions.
Take some time to be mindful about the emotions you’re experiencing. Emotions like anger, fear, loneliness, sadness, hurt, guilt, or shame. How are they running the show in your life? What do you do with them when they pop up? Do you just knock them down like the Whack-A-Mole game, or do you pretend they don’t exist altogether? Regardless, they are there and we have to be mindful of them. We can’t numb the pain and experience the good. If we pretend that we don’t feel pain, we’ll miss out on joy too.
2. Our thoughts.
You’d be amazed by the thoughts or stories that we tell ourselves without even realizing it. What’s the story you’re telling yourself? Does your mind run amuck with lies that you’re not enough? That you’re not worthy? Negative self-talk is one of the quickest ways to feel bogged down by depression or anxiety. Before you believe something about yourself, make sure it is supported by truth.
3. Our behaviors.
When we stuff our emotions and tell ourselves lies, we engage in safety behaviors. Safety behaviors are ways that we protect ourselves (sometimes helpful, sometimes not) from feeling pain or hurt. For instance, looking at your cell phone in a waiting room to avoid awkward silence. The problem with safety behaviors is that they usually keep us in a pattern of protection, rather than creating intimacy.
Before we show off our "put-together self" on the outside, let's take some time to have some self-care and self-compassion for that girl on the inside. She needs you to take care of her, and she is worthy.
Which one of these three areas are you going to focus on first?
Tell me in the comments below!
You are amazing! Start living like it!
Kim Anderson is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC-MHSP) and a Certified Life Professional Coach (CPLC) who loves helping others live their lives with passion and purpose. She lives with her husband and two teenagers outside of Nashville, in Franklin, Tennessee, where she loves seasons, rolling hills, and the warmth of the South. Follow Kim at www.kimanderson.life, on Instagram @kim_anderson_life, and on Facebook@ KimAndersonLifeCoachingto learn more about what she offers.