A New Kind of Lonely
It is said that truth is stranger than fiction, and, folks, I can't make this stuff up.
I have written before about the epidemic of loneliness and how pervasive it is in our world today. So, of course, I had to read an article titled “How to Hire Fake Friends and Family” when I saw it posted by friend and amazing pastor, Scott Sauls (scottsauls.com).
I couldn't believe what I was reading. A service in Japan offers actors for rent who will pose as a friend or family member. One can hire an actor to show up as a friend at social events or as a father at a private school interview. I couldn't believe what I was reading.
Here is an excerpt from Roc Morin’s interview in The Atlantic with Family Romance company founder Ishii Yuichi. Yuichi begins by discussing the origin and beginnings of his company:
Morin: When was your first success?
Yuichi: I played a father for a 12-year-old with a single mother. The girl was bullied because she didn’t have a dad, so the mother rented me. I’ve acted as the girl’s father ever since. I am the only real father that she knows.
Morin: And this is ongoing?
Yuichi: Yes, I’ve been seeing her for eight years. She just graduated high school.
Morin: Does she understand that you’re not her real father?
Yuichi: No, the mother hasn’t told her.
Morin: How do you think she would feel if she discovered the truth?
Yuichi: I think she would be shocked. If the client never reveals the truth, I must continue the role indefinitely. If the daughter gets married, I have to act as a father in that wedding, and then I have to be the grandfather. So, I always ask every client, “Are you prepared to sustain this lie?” It’s the most significant problem our company has.
Morin: So, you could be involved with her for the rest of your life?
Yuichi: It’s risky that she might discover the truth someday. In this company, one person can only have five families at a time. That’s the rule. It’s not only about secrecy. The client always asks for the ideal husband, the ideal father. That’s a very difficult role to maintain.
I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I am saddened by how desperate for connection one must feel to hire an actor to give the illusion of a full and happy life. How tiring to pretend. How discouraging to lack true support from loved ones.
Fake remorse. Fake humility. Fake love. Fake romance. Fake people at the wedding. Fake vacations. Fake friends.
I am particularly struck by Yuichi's comment that, "Real dating feels like work. It feels like work to care for a real person." Yes. Yes, it is. Real relationships require work. They require inconvenience, sacrifice, and a day-in and day-out kind of resolve to be there for another. Without the effort, relationships are . . . well, fake.
Yuichi says he is "full" and doesn't need a family of his own. What he doesn't know is that he is missing out on the good stuff. He is missing out on authenticity. Yes, relationships are difficult. Yes, life is hard. But on this side of heaven, we are not promised anything easy or effortless. At times, our quest for true connection will feel lonely. We may be sad or get hurt from time to time. We will often feel afraid when we make ourselves vulnerable to others. But . . .our relationships will be real.
Friends, we don’t have to have the perfect life, or the perfect spouse, or the perfect vacation pictures. We don’t have to hire an actor to construct some empty illusion. As Brene Brown often writes, we must have the courage to be imperfectin order to have a true sense of love and belonging. We will never find real connection when we live in pretend.
I encourage us all to stay real, regardless of the work.
You are amazing! Now start living like it!
Kim Anderson is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC-MHSP) and a Certified Life Professional Coach (CPLC) who loves helping others live their lives with passion and purpose. She lives with her husband and two teenagers outside of Nashville, in Franklin, Tennessee, where she loves seasons, rolling hills, and the warmth of the South. Follow Kim at www.kimanderson.life, on Instagram @kim_anderson_coaching, and on Facebook@ KimAndersonLifeCoaching to learn more about what she offers.